you guys were way drunker than both of me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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