Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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