batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
