I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
