In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
