Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
