You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
