just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
