We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
