You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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