it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
