so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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