Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
