It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Houston, we have a squirter
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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