thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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