I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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