Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
