peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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