There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
