she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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