I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
