She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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