So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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