the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
