Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
