i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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