it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you never un-have a 4some
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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