I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night