You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Randomize
