YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
