I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
