Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize