if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your cock deserves a montage
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
