I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
