So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Enjoy the penises
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
