So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
