Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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