i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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