Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
