All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
