Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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