it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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