its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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