I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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