MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
