I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My dick has a subreddit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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