2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
