Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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