I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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