she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
