but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
