so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
