I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
