OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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