oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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