We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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