the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
