this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
