Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there's paper in my vomit.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
