I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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