I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
