Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize