Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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