i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
