i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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