it was like eating out sand paper
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
