I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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