Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
