we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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