The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
