8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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