It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
